Tears in a Heaven full of Peanut Butter Memories

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
― Henry David Thoreau

January 6^th, 2012

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0

Returning from the less than grateful land of Poway I’ve had more than enough time to ponder the funeral from which I came from.  Or more like, I’ve had more than enough time to consider the content of the Eulogy, the purpose of this gathering of family, friends & strangers, and if there is any . . the purpose of losing a beautiful twenty year old girl?  Does such any purpose exist?  This was perhaps the number one question running through everyone’s minds regardless of faith or proximity to Michelle.

My faith as of recent is one of Buddhism but I was raised a catholic hypocrite like many . . carrying the cross as an alterboy and all the meanwhile wondering what I would be having for lunch that afternoon.  I found myself relating with this “God” again, causing a bit more of uncertainty . . . something I really don’t need anything more of at the moment.  As it stands, my core values have been exasperatedly shuffled:  Am I to be an employee or stay entrepreneur . . and if so, what profession do I follow,  shall I continue to love freely or guard my feelings for fear of being hurt, am I a Buddhist or am I a born yet again Christian believing in some sort of afterlife?

Questions?  So many damn questions and not enough concrete answers.  At some point, I have to cross the road . . if I keep hanging out here in the median I’m likely to get picked off by some random semi-trailer transporting #10 can’s of string beans.  The main message delivered by the pastor, Michelle’s uncle, the best friend – they were all the same . . live life to the fullest, but maybe not so fast!  After my deep slumber, I’ve had a new view of my circumstances and I believe I’ve weeded out some of the dandelions.  Unfortunately, taking away an opportunity or two and selecting the most promising candidates doesn’t necessarily guarantee the desired outcome.  There’s this whole – it takes two to tango thing.

My favorite part of the eulogy was something that Michelle had written referencing perhaps the struggles of an accomplished teenager striving to understand the strength of oneself versus the inherent trait of codependence.  Her metaphor went something like this:  “Would one build a dining table without legs, would one build a house without first constructing a foundation?  Two trees attempting to root in the same soil will stunt each other’s growth, where as two trees growing an acorn throws distance apart can spread their feet deep into the earth, stabilizing their intentions to grow upward and outward . . . only then can the two trees branches interconnect creating a forest canopy beneath, their shared shadow becoming their strength.”  

 In her message of life and thereafter – Michelle has rekindled my own notions of what it takes to be happy, it vindicates my beliefs that in order to germinate a fulfilling relationship one must plant their own unconditional garden of love and cultivate that soulseed before looking to pollination and the sermon did ultimately reinforce my drive to continue along the path of Buddhism for all these purposes and all those yet to be said. 

Just when you finally don’t have to figure things out, the out will figure the final (whatever the hell that’s suppose to mean) . . . . in the meantime, I’ve always found baking to be therapeutic.

With Culinary Blessings,

                Chef Scotty

Recipe for Peanut Butter Cookies  

Peanut butter cookies is one of those things from my childhood that brings back fond memories of mom.   This one goes out to Robin – there is nothing I or anyone else can say or do to ease your pain, but perhaps you’ll find comfort in two dozen peanut butter cookies delivered monthly (you might find one or two stuck with a Herseys kiss too)

 

  Ingredients

• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 1 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

Directions

1. Cream together butter, peanut butter and sugars. Beat in eggs.
2. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir into batter. Put batter in refrigerator for 1 hour.
3. Roll into 1 inch balls and put on baking sheets. Flatten each ball with a fork, making a criss-cross pattern. Bake in a preheated 375 degrees F oven for about 10 minutes or until cookies begin to brown. Do not over-bake.