“Say what you have to say, not what you ought. Any truth is better than make-believe.”
― Henry David Thoreau
― Henry David Thoreau
February 15th, 2012
Song: What you think of that – The Makings of a Man by Jaheim
It's the day after valentines and my belly is still churning from the sadistic amounts of food that I plumaged into my mouth all washed down with some five dollar pinot grigio that was hidden away in my Mother’s fridge. She and my Step-father took off for Key Largo yesterday, leaving me and her curly, snow shovel colored Bichon to our own demise. With the gathering of condo-retirees below, Frank Sinatra pulsing through the semi-tropical air, I continued my gregarious consumption of the remaining chunks of cherry bundt cake and set forth on a task to conquer the likes of these online dating services. Laugh as you will, I refrained from sinking below certain desperation by omitting my credit card numerals . . I simply perused through their questionnaires, filling out page after page whilst intoxicating my memories with more cheap p.g. I must say, the E-harmony questions are so politically correct as such I’ve made a few modifications of my own:
Q: How often do you date?
When is the last time you’ve been laid?
Q: Define how important sexual relations are with your partner?
How often do you masturbate? How many sex toys do you own? Do you consider porn a hobby or an obsession?
Q: What are the four qualities that your friends would best describe you as?
Pick the top two best qualities and bottom two negative traits of your mother & father – that’s you!
Q: Do you believe in monogamy?
How many partners have you cheated on and how many times did you get caught?
Q: Please describe your physique?
You don’t have a swimmer’s build let’s be honest. Just get a colonic, starve yourself for 3-days and snap a full body photo (less the genitalia). Note: if you nail a date I suggest you choose your clothes wisely!
Ok, that might be a little too blunt, perhaps a bit too cynical but honesty will present itself eventually. If you want to entertain some fairytale for a few dates before breaking the genies grip, that’s all on you! For me, things are looking up so far as the career development, the lawsuit advances, the money tree sprouting, my faith in humanity . . . and why shouldn’t things grow in my field of fortune? Oops, that reminds me, I need to take a brief Buddhist break > forgot to chant < Refreshing to keep that routine going as it boost’s my compassion level. Today, I thought I’d try and take a bit more humorous approach to my outlook on relationships (the last few entries having a serious undertone, uprising against futility and pitted perspective of my reality). I do believe I am more than ready to broaden the scope of conversation to more conventional topics such as our ecological conundrum, the purpose of toes, the deception of college, apricots and the mind-boggling varietals of wolf/fox descendants aka: dogs. March is approaching and with it the budding potential for plenty of green.
So, how about one of my favorite dressings that captures the confliction of oil & vinegar, sour & sweet and the undisclosed element of candied ginger . . . the level of spice depending on its origin – if I had to rate my level, I’d likely come in at 8.3 out of 10. That damn cherry bundt cake taking me down a full point as I successful earned a gluttonous ring around the belly in less than two days – thank the calendar we’ve got another 354 days before Valentine’s Day surfaces to inflict it’s arrows! (be they arrows of marshmallow melodies or nitrous inflamated steel shafts). So, many percentages with all of those dating surveys . . . how could I resist delivering your recipe in the same format!
With Culinary Blessings,
Chef Scotty
| Candied Ginger Key Lime Dressing | ||
| | Organic Safflower Oil | 14.40% |
| | Organic Key Lime Juice Concentrate | 14.40% |
| | Sesame Oil | 5.76% |
| | Rice Vinegar | 23.56% |
| | Candied Ginger | 23.82% |
| | Agave Nectar | 5.50% |
| | Onion, chopped | 3.93% |
| | Sea Salt | 1.83% |
| | Cilantro | 5.76% |
| | White Peppercorn, ground | 0.11% |
| | Citric Acid | 0.73% |
| | Cayenne | 0.11% |
| | Allspice Berry | 0.11% |
| 100.00% |
Basically, throw it all in a blender and let go for 5 minutes. Don’t forget to hold the lid. This dressing is spunky, uber refreshing and on point as your this Jeremy Lin of the New York Knick’s.
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