“When the heavens are obscured to us, and nothing noble or heroic appears, but we are oppressed by imperfection and shortcoming on all hands, we are apt to suck our thumbs and decry our fates. As if nothing were to be done in cloudy weather, or, if heaven were not accessible by the upper road, men would not find out a lower... There are two ways to victory, - to strive bravely, or to yield. How much pain the last will save we have not yet learned.” ― Henry David Thoreau
February 18th, 2012
Song: All is Full of Love by Bjork
The Gulf of Mexico, serenity surrounding me aside from the multitude of tourists and couples that have cleared the 40 year anniversary mark, I fell upon humility and gratitude before the water. With my teal green prayer beads wrapped around my timid hands, I repeated the mantra of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and before my exhausted eyes (insomnia having partnered with my subconscious) a pod of dolphins surfaced no more than 40 feet out from the shore. My knees nestled into the two day old newspaper colored sands, I watched with a deep appreciation for the Earth, chanting for near one hour before I was interrupted by a handsome gentleman in his mid-thirties. He had been jogging northwards on the beach and approached me with a look of curiosity and intrigue. “I noticed you’re praying . . .what are you praying for?” In my belittled mind, I thought “no shit I’m praying buddy!” but instead I replied, “I practice Nichiren Buddhism, we pray for the attainment of happiness through compassion and an obedience to the mystic law of cause and effect.” I think that threw him off for but a moment, then he asked one of the most retarded questions, “Have you ever heard of our Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior for eternity?”
LOL, really? “No fool, I haven’t heard of this guy! I can only manifest myself in human form on the 17th day of each month and if by the stroke of midnight I haven’t drunken the blood of a Keel Billed Toucan, I undergo a metamorphism back into an aquatic slug, taking refuge in this jacked up, tiny ass conch shell you see here! The iconoclastic genie of the Bandini Tribe tricked me into swapping our cavernous homes sometime back when large lizards roamed the planet!” Ok, I didn’t really say that and politely told the man that indeed I had been raised catholic and received the body of Christ with about as much enthusiasm as a supermodel studying macro-economics. He reminded me that his sins had been forgiven and started rambling about this scripture and that before I flat out exclaimed, “Listen buddy, I’m openly gay! The Vatican doesn’t acknowledge my kind unless of course you consider the embarrassment that your house of God likes to play with penis behind closed doors.” Ok, I didn’t really say that either but I wanted to!
Later in the day, Mother Mary Cleo and I traversed the almost not epic 5th avenue & 3rd street promenade of Naples, Florida. Rather than further elevating my boredom, I’ll skip forward to our evening at Billie & Lynn’s house. A Cleveland, Ohio native, Billie is actually the wife who made the country bumpkin dinner of deliciousness (minus the leprechaun green, weight-watchers cream cheese filled key lime pie) and Lynn is your typical Midwestern masculine man of pleasant demeanor with a successful heating & air conditioning business. Both were nothing but gracious hosts. In proper fashion, we brought an arrangement of store bought Iris’s accented with seashells, tangerines and various complimentary foliage hackings that I gathered from the landscape of the not so world renowned Seawatch Condo Complex.
Somewhere between my second and fifth glass of Bogle, Petite Syrah, yours truly engaged in a conversation of how to get the most flavor into your meats. The stimulus behind this topic erupted from Billie exclaiming how tedious the preparation of her chicken dish had been which included butterflying the filet, pounding it out, lathering it with butter, rolling it, stabbing each breast with 3 toothpicks (ignoring Billie's warning, I almost ate one of these toothpicks in my haste of erotic consumption), dunking it in egg and finally coating it in a cornflake breading mixture. And just exactly what was my secret simple method of imposing flavor into any meat? Brining my friends. To my surprise, not a single soul at the outdoor table had a clue as to the definition of a brine. Essentially you’re soaking a meat, be that a whole turkey, chicken breast, pork tenderloin . . . whatever, in a solution of salt, sugar, spices and a liquid, most often water. This provides the meat with a plump cushion of seasoned moisture that will sustain throughout the cooking process and ensure flavor with each savory bite. (Note: this doesn't work real well on beef as most of us eat our "reds" partially cooked)
How Brining Works - a scientific breakdown with Mr. Gobble
Brining works in accordance with two principles, called diffusion and osmosis, that like things to be kept in equilibrium. When brining a turkey, there is a greater concentration of salt and sugar outside of the turkey (in the brine) than inside the turkey (in the cells that make up its flesh). The law of diffusion states that the salt and sugar will naturally flow from the area of greater concentration (the brine) to lesser concentration (the cells). There is also a greater concentration of water, so to speak, outside of the turkey than inside. Here, too, the water will naturally flow from the area of greater concentration (the brine) to lesser concentration (the cells). When water moves in this fashion, the process is called osmosis. Once inside the cells, the salt and, to a lesser extent, the sugar cause the cell proteins to unravel, or denature. As the individual proteins unravel, they become more likely to interact with one another. This interaction results in the formation of a sticky matrix that captures and holds moisture. Once exposed to heat, the matrix gels and forms a barrier that keeps much of the water from leaking out as the meat cooks. Thus you have a turkey that is both better seasoned and much more moist than when you started!
Tipsy and plump, I rummaged around Billie's kitchen and together we hashed out a brine for her next meal. I may or may not have dumped a little worcestershire, a black tea bag, a few splashes of red wine, an entire container of cheap meat tenderizer powder, a few nips of orange zest, some of this . . . some of that, do you get it yet? Making a brine is easy as hell to make – just clean out your fridge and spice cabinet, bring it to a boil and then toss it into the freezer until you need it. You can even re-use this salt-sugar concoction over and over; simply pull out your protein, bring the brine back to a boil for 3 minutes, let cool and then back into the freezer it goes until your next meal beckons it’s return. I had a great time with Barb, John, Billie, Lynn, Mom & Dan . . way more exciting than Naples and almost as enthralling as my encounter with the Toucan. Here’s a very basic, easy to make, mainstream, six ingredient, country-bumpkin brine recipe in honor of Billy.
With Culinary Blessings, Chef Scotty
2 Gal Water
2 Cups Kosher Salt
3 Cups Sugar
1/4 Cup Montreal Steak Seasoning
1/8 Cup Italian Herb Seasoning
1/4 Cup White Wine or Red Wine
Optional Suggestions: Add: 1/4 Cup Molasses, 1 or 2 Tea Bags of Spiced Black Tea, Citrus of any kind, 6 Cloves of Roasted Garlic, Worcestershire, a Handful of Fresh Thyme . . . use your imagination.
Directions??? Bring it all to a boil, cover for an hour until cool - DONE!
PS: If you add some sugar & a bunch of vinegar - you have the basic outline of PICKLING LIQUID!
feel free to post your comments here . . I'll get to it ASAP . . provided I'm not in jail or dead:)
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