Monkeybread Fears conceding to Peanut Butter Smears

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity”
― Henry David Thoreau

December 16th, 2011

Apologies for the 15th going undisputed with my vocal veneer – my assigned duties to this journal going unacknowledged, as I was exhausted from a catering event. It yet another event that I worked for upscale "Beverly Hills" caterer which would only reaffirm my capabilities as a chef, a bartender, a captain, an entrepreneur. I liked the lady, even if she was a bit O.C.D. and lacked veteran experience in this laborious field of work – and she thanked me endlessly not just by words but with bills (the words more important than the money – but let’s face it, my ass has gone from modest wealth to bare broke, a dime once again possessing value!) Perplexed doesn’t even touch my thought pattern with regards to my career at this exact moment!

Without divulging the inadequacies or inefficiencies of any specific caterer that I have now joined their ranks as a multi-skilled, on-call status employee, I cannot rightfully withhold my gut feelings anymore. I have the need to express my apprehensions in the form of “No” & “Know” Perhaps the duality of my life’s recent transactions is the implication for my paired comparisons . . . I can’t be certain as the cause or reason, maybe it’s the Piper H. Brut Champagne I’m juggling down, or my fluctuating thought patterns do to emotional over-exposure, or too much or too little of anything. Regardless, here are the basic definitions in accordance to Merriam-Webster:

no

1. (a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request)
2. (used to emphasize or introduce a negative statement): Not a single person came to the party, no, not a one.
3. not in any degree or manner; not at all (used with a comparative): He is no better.
4. not a (used before an adjective to convey the opposite of the adjective's meaning): His recovery was no small miracle.

know

1. to perceive directly : have direct cognition of (2) : to have understanding of (3) : to recognize the nature of : discern b (1) : to recognize as being the same as something previously known (2) : to be acquainted or familiar with (3) : to have experience of
2. to be aware of the truth or factuality of : be convinced or certain of b : to have a practical understanding of
3. archaic : to have sexual intercourse with

To say “no” is essentially, shutting down an option. To say I “know” is to express a sage-like understanding. These two terms having such relevance in our lives – PAUSE - I just found out that a good friend lost her twenty year old daughter this past Tuesday . . . What in the world could I say that would have any importance? If I told you that this woman is a successful Lesbian fortunate enough to have conceived one single child – now lost to our world, to her maternal instinct to protect, to shared dreams & endless possibilities . . .would anything I say really matter?

I just got off the phone with my good friend Sammy, who likewise lost his only son almost two years to date – he religiously visits Mo’s grave every day – he is also gay, happens to be a practicing Muslim and struggles daily with his unimaginable loss. My immediate intuition, Connect these two beautiful individuals together in their quest to survive such pain, a pain that such few have ever experienced. Perhaps this is the “know” . . . I was gearing towards the ability to say “no” to certain business opportunities, I was intent on saying “know” to how I feel about my love for a foreigner that I’ve had no more than 7 days with . . Apparently, what the fuck do I really “know”? Mo (endearing nickname for Mohammad) was like a little brother to me, Sammy – a loyal friend that seems to have transitioned past lives into the present, Robin an introduction through Mr. Wilson – the spirited, rebelliously admirable type . . I like her immediately and resolutely share a part of her loss, as I will undoubtedly lose a piece of her.

I “know” my financial/business loss is petty in comparison. I “no” longer hold back my emotional propositions for fear of rejection; I “knew nothing” before, and life was ever so simple for it; a child’s dream’s untainted with the forbearance of a corrupt society. Love & Birth, Loss & Death are natures gifts and unavoidable burdens. Ironically, my sisters fraternal twins: Lily & Logan will be celebrating their birthday’s tomorrow. For the cherup princess, I’m baking an eggnog genoise with raspberry compote & orange-blossom buttercream & for the mischievous butch boy – a chocolate mousse lacquered with caramelized bananas and various confections. God, I love them so much . . I couldn’t even begin to imagine losing them!

Sorry, I have to feel this moment right now, release these tears of loss . . . and then thank the heavens for my cherished loved ones, everyday being a gift to appreciate! To continue tomorrow, in the intern enjoy a peanut butter cake that doesn’t scald your fingertips, sear your eyebrows, or brandish you check with the imprint of mama’s 36 carat diamond ring. (AND LET YOUR LOVE FLOW OPENLY, EXPRESSIVELY . . . tomorrow may take that everlasting bond away!)

In memory of those that we’ve lost, not forgotten as we raise our remembrance smiles of peanut butter jelly smears - Chef Scotty

Peanut Butter Memory Cake
- rolling with caramelized bananas & dark chocolate ganache for this one

Ingredients
• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 4 eggs
• 1 (18.25 ounce) package butter cake mix
• 2/3 cup water
•
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 4 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/3 cup heavy cream
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour two 9 inch round cake pans.
2. Combine 1/2 cup peanut butter and 1/2 cup butter or margarine. Cream until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at time, mixing well after each one. Add cake mix alternately with the water. Stir until just combined. Pour batter into prepared pans.
3. Bake at 325 degrees F (165 degrees C) for 25 minutes or until cake tests done. Allow cakes to cool in pan for 10 minutes and then turn out onto a cooling rack to cool completely. Assemble and frost with Peanut Butter Frosting once cool.
4. To Make Peanut Butter Frosting: Combine 1 cup peanut butter, and 1/2 cup butter or margarine cream together until light and fluffy. Add the confectioner's sugar. Mix in enough cream to make the frosting of a spreading consistency. Apply to cool cake.